Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Oh, the Pa(l)in!

Sarah Palin was on Oprah yesterday. And I watched it. Most of it. I'll admit that I went skittering away from the couch to check Facebook as soon as Palin and Oprah engaged in what may be the most awkward hug in history. Oprah kind of caught Palin's right arm as if defending from a right hook. But then both women pretended it was a touchy-feely, hand-holding, fingers intertwining intentional thing. I can't stand awkward TV. Which is why I never watch the auditions for Idol. After we were all over the embarrassing hug (some of us taking longer than others), I went back to the couch.

Here are my "favorite" moments from the interview:
1. Palin rolls her eyes and accuses Katie Couric of being "perky". Um . . . Pot? Where are you? I need you to come call the kettle black.
2. Oprah asks Palin if she felt snubbed by not being invited on her show during the election. Palin says, "No offense to you, but it (the show) wasn't the center of my universe." It was all about the tone, people. The way Palin said it was kinda biting . . .
3. Plain repeatedly refers to abortion as "the easy choice". Um . . . really?
4. The way that Palin made it sound like ALL women have the strength, resources, and desire to raise children. Um . . . all women have access to resources? really? I'm thinkin' there's probably quite a few in the great state of Alaska that don't. And in this state. And in all states.
5. The replay of the Couric interview in which Palin is seemingly unable to answer a question about what newspapers and magazines she reads. I mean, just throw something out there, "The New York Times" or "The Washington Post", for the love of god!
6. The commercial for the new dark chocolate Reese's peanut butter cups.
7. Palin unable to clearly say why she resigned from Governor. "For the good of the people blah blah blah lame duck governor blah blah."
8. Oprah encouraging Palin as we went into each commercial break. While we couldn't actually hear what Oprah was saying she would shake Palin's hand encouragingly, nod her head, and probably say something like, "You're doing OK Sarah. A few more questions and you get a gold star!" Or maybe Oprah was a teeny bit less condescending. We will never know . . . (sigh)

And then I went out and bought Palin's new book. Um . . . no. No. No. No. But the the interview wasn't so bad (as in painful). In some ways. Palin seemed a lot more articulate than she did, oh, a little over a year ago. Which worries me. I didn't go into this interview hoping to see Palin tank like many people did. But afterwards, I wished she had. People love her and her politics (for reasons I can not even fathom). It's almost like people warship her. Which I find very, very frightening.

There's this guy in my neighborhood who has a huge, very southern (i.e. - big wheels and stacks) pick-up truck. On the sides and back of the truck he has painted 'PALIN 2012'. This truck makes me ill and angry and disappointed in ways I never thought possible. I mean, has the dude not heard of BUMPER STICKERS?! While others might have visions of keying or egging the truck, I have other ambitions. I dream of sneaking over there in the dead of night, ski mask on, a trash bag full of trouble over my shoulder. Then, silently and carefully, I put article after discrediting article (all from reputable sources of course) under the wiper blades, in the door cracks, strewn across the flat bed. And the kicker is, ALL the articles are different. So even if Mr. Palin 2012 doesn't read them he should at least be slightly (albeit briefly) overwhelmed by the sheer number of articles. Oh, sweet revenge!!

Yes, I want a woman president. But not her. Not ever. But maybe that's a topic for another post . . .


  1. I like number three where you mistyped and called her "Plain."

  2. Oh shoot! Well, I guess I have to leave it now since you put it IN THE COMMENTS SECTION!!!! j/k Green. Maybe people will think it's funny. But mostly it undermines my idea that *thinking* people don't vote for Palin. Bad spellers of the world untie!

  3. Several points:
    1. It took me like three read-overs to understand your title, but now I get it and it's SO CLEVER! I love it!
    2. I didn't notice the misspelling, but now I wish I had. Sigh.
    3. Now I want a Reese's. Thanks. Thanks a lot.
    4. I'm scared of Sarah Palin. She makes me think of what country I will have to move my family to if she ever ends up in a position of real power. I haven't figured it out yet.

  4. SWMama- Australia
    Green- I liked warship. Genius.

    My problem is that I am now compelled to go through with Mission Cover-the-truck, but you will surely be blamed. Guess I'll have to knock on his door and take credit once I've finished. Given my recent experience, I feel sure the Franklin PD won't have time to DO anything about it:)