Monday, December 7, 2009

Not So Silent Nights

We are back in a "phase" where Zoey is not sleeping through the night. And, in case you were wondering, a phase is defined as "a stage in a process of development." The use of the word 'development' implies progress, maturity, positivity. Which is not what we are experiencing. In fact, we seem to be experiencing a regression, a decline, a pain-in-the-ass-mess.

As a result of this 'phase', Demetri and I have returned to our most basic defenses. We are grasping at any and all straws of potential hope. We are focusing on our very survival. Thus, the return of The Lucky Pajamas. The belief in The Lucky Pajamas began back in Zoey's first few months of life when she was waking up every 2 hours. Every. Night. And I felt like a singed, shadow version of my former self. Until, one night, she slept for 4 hours in a row and . . . The Lucky Pajamas were born. We continued to put her in the same pajamas night after night hoping for a few more hours of sleep. And (sometimes) it worked! But the lucky pajamas have rules, people. Very complicated rules:

1. Any pair of pajamas has the potential to be lucky.
2. Only one pair of pajamas can be lucky at any given time.
3. Once the pajamas are washed, the luck is gone.
4. When in a poor sleep 'phase', the rules of pajama hygiene can be bent to extend the luck of a pair of pajamas. For example, what's a little spit up? a little dried on breakfast cereal? The merest bit of pee?
5. If a new pair of pajamas is worn and the results are decidedly un-lucky (i.e.- the baby is up all night) those pajamas must be shoved to the back of the closest for at least 10 days. And cursed.
6. Mocking The Lucky Pajamas or any person who may believe in The Lucky Pajamas will come back to bite you in the you-know-what.
7. If one is being punished for being a bad parent, The Lucky Pajamas can not help you. Basically, you are screwed.

Last night Zoey wore her pink bear pajamas. They were not lucky. No, no they were not. So tonight she will wear the blue zoo animal pajamas. And Demetri and I will do the ritualistic Lucky Pajama Dance. Then, after Zoey is in bed, we will huddle around the monitor, watching, waiting, and whispering please, please, please.


4 comments:

  1. I wish I knew about the Lucky Pajamas when my kids were younger. :) Let me know when you find some that works so I can buy ahead for the baby. Or is it non-transferrable?

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  2. "Santa only brings toys to little kids who sleep through the night," won't work too well yet, I'm thinking. It's too bad-- Santa bribery rules! Man, I feel for you. Sleep is precious. I am sending Zozo all the sleep vibes we can spare, but that's not too many because Sonia has started doing the thing where she scootches up toward the top of her crib and then wakes up because her head is touching cold wood. ARGH!!!!! I'm thinking of duct taping her in the middle of the crib.

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  3. Excellent. Do the lucky pajama rules apply to adults who can't sleep?

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