Friday, January 8, 2010

Bite Me

1. Apparently, when you brag it comes back to bite you in the boomboom. The same day. Yeah. Remember the last post in which I was all, "I can make soup! Yummy soup! I have a culinary calling! Blah blah blah"? Well, that very night I attempted to make 'butternut squash lentil bisque'. It looked like orangish-brown diarrhea with undigested lentils. Which is maybe what a 'bisque' is supposed to look like. But somehow I doubt it. And as far as taste goes . . . well, Demetri couldn't even look me in the eye when he mumbled something like, "It'skindaokmaybeifyouplugyournoseanddon'tputitinyourmouth. . . YUMMY!"

2. Apparently, when you try and be a fun mom it comes back and bites you in the butonka. Yes, I thought I'd be all fun and break out the finger paints this afternoon. Yes, well. We moved from picture A to picture B in about 45 seconds. And all because someone wasn't given control of the paint bottles. Some of us never recovered. Including the cat who walked across Zoey's painting while she was tantruming and now has two blue paws.

picture A:

picture B:

3. Apparently, when you vent to your husband about your inability to be a fun mom it comes back to bite you in the bobo. After the finger painting, I put Zoey in a nice warm bath. I sat on the floor of the bathroom and video chatted (aka 'video complained') with Demetri about the finger paint FAIL. Zoey then pooped in the tub. While she was out of the tub and I was fishing out the poop, Zoey peed on the tile. And then slipped in it.

4. Apparently, when your child slips in pee on the the bathroom floor and you wipe it up with a wash cloth it will come back to bite you in the . . . face. Yes, that's right. I used the same washcloth (on accident) to wipe my face. See, Zoey had emptied the drawer with all the wash clothes before the bath so there were, like, 20 wash clothes strewn everywhere. What are the odds that a) I would pick up the same wash cloth and b) I would pick it up by the one corner that wasn't wet? I should start playing powerball.


  1. Wow! I can't believe all that happened to one person. :) Definitely need to stock up on lottery tickets.

  2. Wow... I like the pictures.. Shes to cute.. she really need something to wipe here tears... :)

  3. You forgot to mention the part about how your IMed your poo-in-the-tub-phobic friend to tell her ALL ABOUT IT. Hmph. I think the pee towel was God getting back at you for re-traumatizing me. :)

  4. PS My word-verification thing was JOREAD. How cool is that? It's like, about you, and this thing you like to do. Ok, I'm dumb. Whatever.

  5. Yeah, I wouldn't like that soup even if it were made perfectly, so EW! on all accounts. Keep trying-- you'll be Julia Child before you know it! The pee washcloth story made laugh so hard (with sympathy, of course).... It's only a matter of time before Sonia starts to poop in the tub because I totally did it when I was Zozo's age. So, I can't laugh at that one.