Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The Swimsuit Issue

Dear Lands' End,

I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate your swim wear collection. I'm a fan of the 157 options you offer. It's great that you realize that women are not just one body type (i.e. - that of size 2 pre-teen), but instead offer us 5 types to choose from. I'm still not sure what a "star" body shape is, but it doesn't sound too bad. I'd rather be a "star" than, say, a "rectangle". And it's great that you allow a shopper to shop for a suit via her "anxiety zone":
Minimize Bust (4)However, you seem to be missing one anxiety zone in particular. May I suggest, "Enhance Ass"?

You see, those of us with a no-butt face a particular difficulty during swim season. NOTHING looks good on us. Take the swim skirt:

Beach Living Wide Waistband Mini <span class=
Sure, it looks all fetching and cute. Until we exit the pool. Then the fabric clings to the flat/board-like extension of our lower back (technically, our butt), making it all the more horrible to behold. No one needs to see that. And getting a regular a 'regular' swim bottom like so:
Beach Living Tummy Control Swim Bottom or Solid #1 Leg <span class=

is also out because our gluteus is simply not maximus enough to fill it out. The extra fabric is not exactly flattering. True, it might be handy for storing swim toys, a life vest, or an extra soda or two but really, no one wants to see that either.

Perhaps you could add something like this to your suits?

Just an idea. Although I'm not sure if they float or sink. That would be something to look in to.

For now, I'm just going to have to order the striped bottoms:


  1. I do not know what THE HECK happened with the font size, color etc. but I can't seem to fix it. Sorry!

  2. Joz...I know it is apples and oranges, but my dad never had a butt either. I suggested that he carry two wallets so it looked like he had a butt...I'm just saying :)

  3. Now I know we have to be related somehow, I also have no butt !!! Niki's Aunt Janet

  4. I had no butt. And then I got pregnant. Now I can't turn enough to see if I have one or not. But there is one thing I can tell you - the last time I wore a bikini was when I was about 5 years old. One piece suits only for me - a free service I provide to society.

  5. Carla - let me assure you: I DO NOT WEAR A BIKINI. I wear a tankini bc I have an abnormally long torso and one pieces look all weird on me.

  6. You're funny. I also wear a tankini because of a long torso. On the bottom I wear Board Shorts. They are supposed to look big and baggy. Maybe you should give them a try?

  7. I cannot stop wondering about whether the implants would float or sink. Hmm. Anyway, you forgot to mention the best thing about the Land's End swimsuits: the leg hole options. I think that's freaking genius. That can definitely help enhance or minimize a booty! The striped bottoms are a very good idea, though.

  8. We understand your dilemma, and truly appreciate your feedback. We will be sure to pass along you comments to our design team.

  9. I LOVE THAT LANDS' END WROTE BACK!!!!! Now I'm an even bigger fan of theirs. And yours. ; )

  10. When Zozo's Mom speaks, Corporate America damn well better listen.